What a great weekend, and a great time to post...

I really love only having 4 days of classes and 3-day weekends, it makes the week so much more bearable...unfortunately the real world won't be like this. This past weekend was one of the best I've had in a while. Thursday I went to TC for Paul's birthday and got a whole lot more drunk than I had intended to (the Power Hour beforehand probably contributed), but it was all in all a really fun night. The next night a bunch of us went out to Rocco's for pizza...it was delicious, and I have a feeling that living so close to it next semester I will be dining there quite often. Then Brendan and Kelilyn convinced me to go to a beach party at Alumni on Friday night...while I think it is still ridiculously cold to be wearing beach attire in South Bend, it was a good excuse for girls to dress up in bikinis...apparantly there was also some flashing going on...Then last night, we had our formal. We made some jungle juice which ended up being a big hit, had a good number of people in the room before the dance, and I definitely had the sexiest date, plus the dance was a ton of fun, so it was a great night.

There pretty much is no point to this post other than the fact that I haven't updated in a while and since it was such a great weekend, I decided I might as well update. Only four more days of class until Spring Break and NYC. While I am upset that school isn't in session for St. Paddy's Day (easily the most fun school day at Notre Dame), I am somewhat consoled that I will be in arguably the second most fun city to be in for St. Patrick's Day (behind Dublin of course). Shout-outs to all my friends who will be in Dublin for St. Paddy's, I respect that. I was kind of thinking today, since St. Patrick's Day falls on a Friday during lent this year, is there some sort of Papal Decree that allows for the eating of Corned Beef and Cabbage, because if there isn't, there should be.

Lastly, I definitely called Reese Witherspoon winning Best Actress and Crash winning Best Picture. I know that I am no film critic, but Walk the Line was a really good movie and Reese Witherspoon was awesome in it, and Crash, well I can't really put into words how amazing that movie is. Since Toomey and I first watched this movie over Fall Break, I don't think my life has ever been the same. If you haven't seen it, you should...seriously. Plus, I'm glad that Brokeback Mountain didn't win every award that it was nominated for (it still won 3, but so did Crash, Memoirs of a Geisha, and King Kong). I do not think that Brokeback Mountain is a good movie at all, and it has nothing to do with the butt-sex. It was simply boring, there was not much of a plot, the story was left largely unresolved, and the viewer was left largely unsatisfied. The only redeeming factor of seeing this movie is that your girlfriend (and yes, I am implying that all straight males that saw this movie only went because their significant other wanted to) will owe you movies for practically the rest of your relationship the movie is so bad...oh yeah, you get to see anne hathaway's boobs too, which are pretty nice.

If I don't update before Spring Break (which I probably won't because I'm a bum), have a safe, alcohol and boob filled break.

Oh blog, where art thou?

I just had a whole big post typed up, and it got deleted, so I'm a little bit pissed off right now.

This past weekend was JPW. For the past two years, JPW has generally been one of the worst weekends on campus (I wasn't here last year for it, but I can imagine that it blew), because if you aren't a Junior, there is really nothing to do since there are no parties and you can't go out to the bars. This past weekend, however, was a ton of fun. It was really awesome having my parents up here this weekend to get to know my friends and their parents without the added distraction of a football game the same weekend. It was also nice to just spend time with my parents since I have been seeing less and less of them lately. Plus, I got my mom to play beer pong against Kelilyn and my dad, so you can't really ask for much more than that.

Tonight, as we were walking over to Reckers, Bill commented on how there would probably be some couples there who hang out at Reckers after midnight and are all over one another. Sure enough, we get there, and on the couches right next to us is a group of about eight kids, and two of them have a total disregard for everybody else in the room and are showing unneeded PDA. If this weren't bad enough, the couple was gross and about a combined 500 pounds. It was horrific watching them make out in the middle of Reckers, yet we were so drawn to it and couldn't help but watch...it was like a really bad car wreck. I'm not sure why these people decided to makeout in a place where people go to eat. If you know anybody else that does this, please slap them for me.

Lastly, just before the All-Star Game, the biggest trade in NBA history was executed when the Magic sent Kelvin Cato to the Pistons for Darko Milicic. This was seriously Tony and my ultimate dream. Two players have never been so underutilized in the history of the game. When Darko starts going off for 15 a game for the rest of the year, don't tell Tony or I that we didn't tell you so.

I sat down to do homework about and hour ago and haven't accomplished a thing, so I figured it would be a better use of my time to update my blog. It has been good being back at school and getting into my normal routine. And by normal routine, I mean putting off shit and being lazy, but I am going to do my darndest to avoid that this semester as much as possible. Bill and I built a loft last week, and the room is much more livable now. Tony and Dave are abroad and gone from the room and we got stuck with Dewan as a replacement...I still don't think this is a fair trade. Classes are going pretty well so far. My toughest class will probably be Japanese, which I am taking pass-fail, but there are so many damn characters that I might end up dropping the class before the end of the year.

My computer has been giving me a whole lot of problems the past two weeks. It will sometimes start freezing up and then will run very slowly until it randomly shuts off while I'm doing something. It has done this 4 times this past week. I personally think it is a huge conspiracy. I didn't renew my subscription to Norton Anti-Virus, and since then, I have been having some computer troubles. Now I know that the logical explanation would be that I got a virus...but I didn't, because I have done nothing that would lead me to getting a virus, except for downloading and exorbitant amount of porn...but I digress. I think that Norton is actually manufacturing the viruses, or has written some computer program to fuck with your computer the moment you stop sending them checks. It is like me paying off the Mafia to not beat the shit out of me. I don't really have any proof of this, yet, but I will get it. Until then...

Attention Future Girlfriends:

There, that probably caught a lot of people's attention (insert sarcastic remark here). Today I got my hair cut professionally for the first time since May (no offense Toomey). In my opinion, the girl did a really good job, but the best part was after she cut my hair, she asked if I wanted to wash my hair to get the loose hair out, and saying yes was probably the best decision I've made all week. Having somebody else wash your hair for you has got to be one of the top 5 feelings in the world, and on top of that, the girl preceded to give me about a 7 minute scalp/head massage. I think I am going to send my future wife (if I am so lucky) to hair-cutting school just so she can learn to wash my hair and massage my head like that.

In other news, all of my football picks have been correct so far, which is amazing to me, because I usually make an emotional pick that loses their first game. I realize that by writing this right now, all the rest of my picks are going to lose, but I'm going to go out on a limb here. I see the Panthers beating the Bears tomorrow, the Steelers beating the Colts (I know it probably won't happen, but I think the Steelers are the best team in the NFL when they decide to show up), and then the Panthers beating the Seahawks, the Broncos beating the Steelers (don't ask why I think the Broncos win when the Colts don't), and then the Panthers winning it all.

I head back up to the Dirty Bend tomorrow. It has been great being home, the weather has been absolutely perfect, and I had an awesome road-trip with friends out to Austin and Tempe for the Fiesta Bowl, but I am ready to get back to school, see my friends, and freeze my ass off. Oh, another New Years Resolution that I have and forgot to mention a few posts ago: Since I don't have class that early in the mornings, I am going to try to actually get dressed before class (read, not wear sweat-pants and sweat-shirts) and actually try to wear some of the nice clothes that I have...maybe even comb my hair every now and then. I don't know, just an idea, but like most of my other resolutions, I probably won't keep it.

Tonight, I went out with my family to Maggiano's, this really good Italian Restaurant. We ordered family style, where they brought out 3 kinds of appetizers, salad, 2 pastas, and 2 entrees and then 2 desserts...needless to stay, I was stuffed, but it was a good "Last Meal" before returning to the monotony that is South Dining Hall (yeah, yeah, I know that our dining hall is great compared to other schools, but can they seriously think about spreading out good meals, so that Pasta Stir-Fry night does not interfere with Mozarella Chicken, and Lemon Caper Chicken is served separately from Philly Cheese Steaks. Alright, I have to watch 3 more episodes of 24, pack, and get get to bed...

What a great day...

Here I am, updating my blog for the second time in two days...I feel very accomplished. I know that it is going to be a great day because already today I have seen an Asian guy with a mullet. Yeah I know what you are saying, how could my day possibly get any better? Well it wouldn't be able to, except for the fact that Lost is airing a new episode tonight after about a month and a half hiatus. Add this to the fact that the O.C. re-airs starting tomorrow night and an action-packed season of 24 is about to start Sunday night (I feel like I'm doing a promo for Fox), I couldn't be happier. Well actually I can think of a few things that would make me happier at this very moment, but we won't go there. Well I thought I had more to write about than that, maybe later...

New Year's Resolutions

Like just about every other American, I have a bunch of New Year's Resolutions, and just like about 90% of them, I probably won't make it much further than February, but here goes:

1. I am going to start working out again. I don't know why I stopped, it was stupid and I could be in much better shape right now if I had been working out all along.
2. I am going to TRY and do as much work ahead of time if at all possible. I spend countless hours each week doing pointless shit, and this could be spent gaining further knowledge about the classes I am enrolled in...that is what college is kinda about, right?
3. I am going to THINK about getting a job. I want to be a tutor for Kaplan because I figure it won't be too hard, and the pay is really good. Other than that, I don't think I want to work.
4. I am going to start thinking about Law School and start practicing for the LSATs...I hear they are a pretty big deal.
5. I am going to regularly (the definition of this word is at my discretion) update my blog because it will give me something to do.

Shit, I thought I had a lot more than 5, I guess I have forgotten them already. Well I've kind of been on top of 4 of those in the past 2 days, which isn't bad considering I can't even do number 2 now since I'm not in school. Anyways, this list is mostly just for me, because it makes me feel like I am going to accomplish something this year. If you see me not abiding by any of my resolutions, then I want to sit me down and...actually no, fuck off, who are you to call me out on shit?

Happy Belated Birthday to a Great American

Yesterday Cornell Haynes Jr. turned 31. More commonly known as "Nelly", Cornell has brought you hits such as "Ride with me", "Country Grammar", "Pimp Juice", and "Hot in Herre". While not the front-runner of the rap industry that he was in his hey day during the beginning part of the 21st Century, Cornell continues to touch us all with his music. I hope you had a very happy birthday, Nelly.

Tomorrow is Notre Dame's first of 3 consecutive home games (and 5th home game in 6 weekends). Hopefully in a little over a month, I will be online booking tickets to either Tempe or Miami for the Fiesta or Orange bowl (I guess I'd take the Sugar Bowl too, but who wants to go to Atlanta?)

Actually, hopefully in a month I will be able to get on the internet at all. They are installing cable in the dorm starting next week (which doesn't benefit me since we already have satellite and the cable won't work until next year, when I'll be off-campus), and during this time, there will be no internet access in the dorm. They say that wireless internet will work in the dorm during that time, but it is still the principal of the matter. As the great Brendan Barrett said, we should be compensated for our inconveniences.

Ranting and Raving

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't written in a while, but here I am now, and hopefully I will update more frequently. Man, I guess a ton has happened since I last wrote. First of all, I want to briefly touch on what will forever be my scarring sports moment, the ND-USC game. That was, without a doubt, the greatest football game that I have ever been to or watched, unfortunately my team was on the losing end, in a heart-breaking or rather heart-wrenching fashion. So many things could have gone a little differently, and it would be an entirely different season. But you can't change what has happened, so I'm just as happy to win out this season and make it to the Orange Bowl. The green jerseys were the sweetest thing ever though, I went crazy when I saw them, and we should definitely bust them out if we make it to the Orange Bowl, especially if we are playing Miami or FSU.

Oh, and more heart-breaking from the "wonderful" world of sports. The Astros' loss the other night was devastating, but I'm not going to sit here and bitch about a call that may or may not have been right (actually it was flat-out wrong), because who knows what would have happened if it was gotten right, Jermaine Dye could have easily walked on the next pitch and then Konerko still could have hit the HR. Then again, he could have struck out, and the 'Stros probably go on to win the game; however, I have full confidence in my team still. We will win Game 3 tonight, although who the fuck is Bud Selig to determine whether or not we open or close our roof; it is our damn stadium, stop being a little bitch and let us do what we want (and stop bitching at the milk/steriods ad: it isn't milk's problem that there is a steroid problem in baseball, and don't act like it isn't your problem). Anyways, Roy O will win tonight, and hopefully Backe will be on his game tomorrow. After that, it is a Best of 3 series with Clemens, Pettitte, and Oswalt pitching. Believe it or not, I like our chances.

On a side note, if you haven't already, see the movie Crash. I saw it over fall break, and it is amazing. I need to get more sleep, somebody has been keeping me up late the past few nights. Alright, guess thats it for now.

I know, I haven't updated in weeks...

So sue me already. Anyways, I guess I have been up to a ton since then. Life is pretty good right now, Notre Dame is 2-0 and #10 in the nation and the 'Stros currently have a half-game lead in the wild card. I also was able to return my books to the bookstore after getting signatures from my teachers, I just got Season 1 of Lost on DVD, and The O.C. is back on...like I said, life is pretty sweet right now. I went to the Michigan game last weekend, and it was incredible. Dave and I scalped for tickets a little before the game, and actually got pretty good seats in the end zone. By the 2nd half, we had moved down to the 11th row, and by the fourth quarter, we were on the first row...it was incredible. I can't wait for the pep rally tonight and the game tomorrow. Ara is gonna be there, it should be nothing short of amazing. I realize this is quite a shitty update, but I found a free moment and decided to write something. Hopefully I will write again soon, with good news of being 3-0.

Fucking Bookstore...

I was having an awesome day today. Spectacular even. Worked out this morning, got to classes on time, didn't fall asleep in said classes, actually knew what was going on in said classes, ate a lot of good food, played some video games, watched some TV. Like I said, it was a good day. Until I went to the Bookstore tonight to return two books that I didn't need for my classes. I bought the books 10 days ago, and because of some confusion from the clerk, I thought I had through September 1st to return them. It turns out, yesterday was the last day that I could return them. I haven't even opened these books once. They are in their original shrink-wrap packaging, yet according to the bitch behind the counter, this is "nothing she could do." Bull-shit. It was the closest I have ever come to hitting a woman. Now I have to go back to the bookstore with proof that I don't need these books for my classes (which I am going to have to forge somehow) in order to even think about getting my money back. The Man is trying to hold me down. I will continue to dig my way out of situations like this as long as I keep getting screwed. I wish I had more to say right now, I'm just so fucking pissed off...

Almost all settled in...

The past week and a half has been busy as hell. Bill and I just finished moving into our room yesterday even though we have been here for like 4 days. The common room was looking great until we had to move all of our shit back into it to clear the hallways. Hopefully we get it cleaned before tonight, because we are having people over for the first of many "get-togethers". Girls who like showing a lot of cleavage are encouraged to come.

Speaking of cleavage, the new in-thing right now is nut cleavage. Yes you heard me right, nut cleavage. It has been scientifically proven that a guy will be more attracted to a girl that has nice cleavage if she shows it off rather than covering it up, and last night we discovered that the same goes for nut-cleavage. If you have ever seen a girl eyeing you below your waist, it is probably because she is looking for some nut-cleavage. They have been selling nut-cleavage enhancing pants at many popular stores recently. There are also certain exercises that you can do to enhance the appearance of your nut-cleavage. So men, the next time you see an attractive girl trying to sexify you with a low-cut shirt, fight back and show off your nut-cleavage...

I sure as hell wasn't Brad Lidge...

But at least I got the ball over the plate. For those of you that don't know, I got to throw out the first pitch at the Astros game tonight. Or rather it was the 2nd pitch, because there was another "first" pitch before mine and then a "first" pitch after mine, but who am I to complain. I went out to the field, shook off Eric Bruntlett (I think he was a little confused at first) and then threw the ball...it went in slow-motion because it seemed like the ball was going to hit the ground at the last moment before it got home, but luckily it made it for a healthy, albeit slow, strike. Plus the 'stros won again. Seriously, it is becoming an epidemic, when I go to the games, they kick ass. Willy T had 4 hits, so did Mo, including a HR, Chris Burke hit like his 2nd HR, and even Humberto Quintero had a moster shot off the railroad tracks in right field. If they start tanking once I go back up to school, I am thinking about coming home just to ensure that we get the Wild-Card.

Speaking of school, I can't believe that I am already going back. I haven't started packing yet, but I don't think I have that much to do, since I didn't really unpack most of my shit at the beginning of the summer. It has been a great summer, and while I miss everybody up at school and am excited to get back, I had a great time with everyone at home and am going to miss everyone. Just don't get sappy on me and start crying...

The New Revised Guide to Finding the Perfect Girl

I'll cut the bullshit and get straight to the point. Tony and I have devised a new, all inclusive questionnaire to help you find the perfect girl. Actually this questionnaire works for both sexes. Here it is:

Questions:
1. Are you hot?
2. What season of the year has the best music?
3. What is the best Television show ever aired?
4. What do you do on Thursdays at 8/7C?
5. What is the best genre of music?
6. It is 4th and short, what play do you call?
7. Who is the greatest basketball player of all time?
8. BSB or N'Sync?
9. Who is the sexiest MoFo alive?
10. It's Midnight, you're starving, and only have two dimes and a nickel...where do you go?
11. Top 3 non-alcoholic drinks?
12. What two schools can you never root for, under any circumstances?
13. Best video-game series of all-time?
14. Best movie of all-time?
15. If there were a vote for Emperor of the World, who would you vote for?

Answers:

1. Yes
2. Christmas
3. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
4. Watch the O.C.
5. Boy-Band Music
6. FB Dive out of Goal Line, no hesitation
7. Darko Milicic
8. N'Sync
9. Milf Milferson
10. Huddle-Mart for some Q-Dawgs
11. Juicy Juice, Nestea, and Capri Sun
12. Michigan and USC
13. NCAA Football for PS2
14. Independence Day
15. Will Smith

0-3 Questions Right: What are you even doing talking to this person?
4-6 Questions Right: Guilty-Pleasure hook-ups, just don't let anybody find out
7-10 Questions Right: You can date them as long as the answer to Question 1 was, "yes, very"
11-14 Questions Right: Take home to the family material...consider yourself lucky.
15 Questions Right: Buy an engagement ring right away...better yet, give me her phone number...

I love lamp...

I went to the Astros game again tonight, and they won again. Their record with me there this season is 8-1 I think, they seriously should start paying me to go to their games, especially (knock on wood) come playoff time, where I am 3-0. I also saw T-Mac at the game, which was sweet, because it is T-Mac. I love all of my sports teams. I am so excited about football this year (both ND and Texans), baseball is just getting good, and the Rockets are going to be the best team ever this year (and if not, at least we have a 7-6 Chinese dude).

I read in the newspaper that some Korean dude had a heart failure after playing almost 50 consecutive hours of video games. What a fucking wuss, I could play three straight days of NCAA 06 without even breaking a sweat...amateur.

This weekend I went up to College Station to hang out with Lindsey, Amy, Ryan, and Lane and to help Ryan and Lane move into their new duplex. It was an awesome weekend of drinking, card playing, dart throwing, and movie watching. Oh, and I experienced my first bar fight ever. It all happened so fast, first a glass dropped right by my foot and I just thought it belonged to the girls standing beside me. It wasn't until they didn't claim their glass and I saw two guys fly onto the floor and one start hitting the other one in the face that I realized there was a fight going on three feet away and we should probably leave. More people probably got hurt trying to get away from the fight than the actual fighting: Lane rolled his already sprained ankle and I think Lindsey suffered some massive internal bleeding and ruptured an organ or two when her back got smashed into a sharp corner (not really, she is doing okay). While it was crazy and kind of scary at the time, it is cool to be able to say that I have now experienced a bar fight. I would have hopped in there, but I didn't know whose side to take since I didn't really know the backstory of the fight...that and the fact that the guy doing the ass kicking was pretty massive.

It is a small world...

Well at least when it comes to my favorite TV shows. As I have blogged about before, my 4 favorite TV shows are 24, The O.C., Lost, and Entourage. What makes them even better for me are many characters from some shows are on the other shows. Caleb, Trey, Teresa, and Eddie from the O.C. were all on 24, Johnny "Drama" Chase from Entourage was on 24, and the Korean guy from Lost was on 24. I realize actors do other things besides their respective TV shows, but it is still crazy seeing characters I know, such as Caleb from the O.C., playing the Vice-President in 24. I was watching Major League the other day though, and I saw that President Palmer (the President from 24 and the guy in the All-State commercials) is PEDRO CERRANO! This was the most amazing thing that I had ever witnessed...until this morning, when Tony told me that two of my most favorite things, Fresh Prince and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, had a common link: Uncle Phil was the voice of Shredder. This rocked my world. It pretty much changes who I am. I knew Uncle Phil was evil, I just knew it...

I saw "The Island" the other night. I really liked it, even though it was a typical Michael Bay movie. The action was really good, and somewhere halfway through the movie, I decided that I am one day going to marry Scarlett Johannson instead of Jessica Alba (she is closer to my age anyways). But there were product placements in that movie like no other; it was like Minority Report on steriods. After the movie, all I wanted to do was drink Aquafina, buy or steal a Cadillac, and log onto MSN.com (if you see the movie you will know what I am talking about). And so ends the summer blockbuster movie season. Nothing outstanding, but a few good movies nonetheless. Although I did hear a movie promo for Stealth the other day. It said, "Jamie Foxx is at his best" and Jessica Beal is "Sexy and Sensational". I laughed out loud...

The Astros won again last night. This is now 12 out of 14, and they have a 2-game wild-card lead. As much as I would love to win by 6 or 7 runs each night, I am a firm believer in not wasting runs, so I will take these 1 and 2 run games, as long as Brad Lidge keeps getting saves. Oh, and if you are going to the game on August 15th (if you aren't, you should now), look for me. My dad thought it would be a good idea to bid at some charity auction a chance to throw out the first pitch at a 'stros game. He now wants me to do it...I know it is pretty awesome to be able to do this, but I am going to be embarrassed as hell, especially if I throw it poorly. But yeah, come to the game, cheer me on or just laugh, your call...

My Penultimate day of work...

That is such a sweet word, I just had to use it. It is kind of bittersweet, I guess, since I really enjoyed working. But not working is even better. Now I can stay up as late as I want, go out whenever I want, and not do anything if I don't want. And I like how I'm being really mature about this too.

Speaking of being mature, I miss a lot of things from childhood, Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles being two of the biggest. But there is a whole lot of crap that I don't think about, but randomly remember. How sweet were Power Wheels (and their commercials): POW-POW-POWER WHEELS!!! The should make full-sized Power Wheels for the highway and stuff...I know I'd buy them. Supposedly they are making a live-action Transformers movie. It would probably be the best movie since, well ever I guess.

I think my alarm clock is going to be the end of me. So far it has made me late for work every day this week. I wake up, and automatically hit the snooze alarm no less than 2 times every morning. I can also hit the snooze alarm multiple times to snooze for longer (hitting it twice snoozes for 20 minutes, thrice 30 mins, and so on). I'm not sure why Sony made an alarm clock with this capability. It is almost like being drunk. I know what I am doing is a bad idea, yet I do it anyways, because I am sleep-drunk. Since John Ross isn't working anymore, I am no longer riding in the HOV lane (its a carpool lane for all you non-Houstonians), and you would think that I would leave my house a little bit earlier. WRONG. I would normally leave at about 7:15 everyday, but since I don't have to worry about making somebody else late, I have been leaving no earlier than 7:30. On Tuesday I left 5 minutes til 8. It is a good thing my last day is tomorrow...otherwise they might fire my ass.

The 'stros play the Mets tonight, in Carlos Beltran's first visit back to Houston since leaving via free agency. While many people will boo him, I think we should cheer him...for thanking him for last year's playoff run, and also as a slap in the face. He is getting booed in New York right now. There are 3 Astros who have more HR's than him, and Berkman, who missed the first month and a half of the season, is only 1 behind him. Brad Ausmus of all people has a higher OBP than Beltran. Willy Tavares, Beltran's replacement who is a rookie, has more hits, runs scored, and more than 5 times the number of steals as Beltran. And Beltran is getting paid 40 times more than Willy...now that is pretty damn ironic. So continues the Mets' history of bad decisions...besides Pedro Martinez, who is going to throw a 3-hitter tonight...

I had a million and one brilliant ideas in the car yesterday afternoon and this morning, but can't for the life of me remember them...so this post was supposed to be great, but if it isn't, its not my fault.

I cannot wait for football this year. I mean maybe I am being really optimistic, but I have a good feeling about this year. Then again, I had a good feeling before last year. Although I did call that out of USC, Tennessee, and Michigan, we would win 2 games. I think the same will be said of this year...although this year i think we will beat USC and Tennessee. I am predicting an 8 or 9 win season, depending on which bowl game we end up in. I think I might go to every game this year except for Washington, so we'd better be good. Until then, though, I still have the baseball season. The astros once again are on a roll, and since they were 15-30 two months ago, they have been the hottest team in baseball, going from 726 games out to only 2 games behind the wild-card leading Nationals, who are fading fast. I know we are another big bat and probably a pitcher away from being legit World Series threats, but another nice playoff run would be great. Then again, in the playoffs you really only need 3 pitchers (and we just happen to have the best 3-man rotation in baseball, plus a pitcher who can be unhittable when he wants in Brad Lidge)...

I gave Geoff a hard time a few weeks back because he told me that he was sort of seeing a high-school senior (no Geoff, I'm not calling you out). At the time, I was pretty sure that I would not be able to ever justify that. I mean high school seniors were hot...in high school, but now that I had passed the threshold into the twenties, they were off limits...Until a co-worker brought her 17-year old daughter and her 3 friends up to the office. Three words...or just one: Wow. I think from this point forward, no matter how old I get, I will consider 17-year olds (at least if they look anything like these girls) to be hot, though illegal. Damn Texas lawmakers...

I only have 2 more days of work (not counting today, which is practically over since it is close to noon, at which point I will shut it down and play on the internet for the remainder of the day). After that I am just going to sit on my ass and be lazy, before heading up to school so I can sit on my ass and be lazy. People say you should find something you love to do in your life, and then make it your job. Would anybody actually pay somebody to sit on their ass and be a lazy-piece of shit? Besides Britney Spears?

Lastly, if anybody has any ideas as to what we are could do for our room next year, let me know. Our common room is pretty big, and we need to fill it with stuff other than TVs and couches. So room-themes, accessories, whatever, all suggestions welcome. Remember, our room is only going to be as sweet as you make it...actually, its going to be sweet regardless of you, I just thought I'd make you feel good.

I am never riding in a taxi-cab again...

Until I am drunk and don't feel like walking back from TC or some off-campus party in the middle of fucking November when it is 12 degrees outside...yeah that's right, it gets that cold and colder up at school. Come to think of it, the weather home has sucked lately...Before I left for vacation, we were having a minor drought, but I have been home for exactly a week, and it has rained every damn day. But I digress from my original point...

So a lawyer at the firm has a lawsuit where we are representing the family of a man that was killed by a taxi-cab driver who happened to be high on weed at the time. He had a bunch of prior convictions for drugs, so what I am doing is searching through a database of Yellow Cab drivers to see if any of these guys have previous criminal records, in order to show that Yellow Cab either doesn't do background checks or that they don't really care that they are hiring convicted felons. We were hoping to find maybe 10 or so guys to show, "Hey look at this guy, should they have hired him?" Well I have searched for about a hundred names, and I have about 30 of them that are convicted felons. I think that Yellow Cab is actively recruiting convicts. I'm just waiting for the radio ad: "Just get out of jail? Need some money fast? Yellow Cab is now hiring with great career advancement opportunities. No real people skills required. Better yet, if you have any DWIs, we will give you a $3000 bonus because we'll know that you have already driven before." And it isn't like these are petty crimes. I found one dude that had 10 convictions, ranging from DWIs, to aggravated assault and drug felonies. Another guy had armed robbery. Another had rape and burglary. Like what the fuck, do you really want your teenage daughter getting into a cab late at night with a convicted rapist/DWIist/robberist? I found one guy who had a rap sheet including 3 felony DWIs, murder, 2 robberies, prison escape, theft, a drug offense, and assault...it turns out it wasn't the right guy, but somebody with the same first and last name and middle initial, but still, I wasn't doubting for a second that it was the right guy because of some of the other things I have found.

In other news, I got out of my $205 parking ticket earlier this morning, because I showed video proof that I wasn't in a handicapped spot. Technically I was, because the spot was handicapped only from 7PM-2AM (because there are tons of handicapped people going clubbing downtown at that time...no disrespect intended), but I was only in the spot from 1:30, so I thought it was a gay ticket. Plus I had no idea, because there were a bunch of signs for the spot that said like 4 different things, so I didn't notice and we were in a hurry and I ended up getting stuck with a ticket. The cop made mistake though: he wrote that I was on the 700 block of Preston when I was actually on the 600 block, so he just wasn't paying very close attention when he wrote it. Since the cop decided to write the wrong address, I decided to videotape the whole entire 700 block of preston, because there were conveniently no Handicapped parking spots on that block. Don't mess with me, I'm a bad Mothafuckah...Case dismissed. So now I have $205 to blow on something...

I have wasted tons of time at work today already, so I should get back to "working."

The Sugar to your Coffee

I'm not sure really what the title of today's blog means, but I heard it in a rap song (actually I didn't, but you sound cooler if people know that you were listening to rap songs). I haven't posted in over 2 weeks because I was in Hawaii, but hopefully my 7 or so readers can forgive me.

Hawaii was awesome. I didn't really do any touristy stuff, so I don't think I need to bore everybody by saying, "I hung out by the pool, went to the beach, hung out on a hammock, got tan, etc." I did meet Shaun Cody though. He was a DT for USC last year and got drafted by the Lions. Its weird, because I hate USC football with a passion, but I was actually excited to meet him, and he was a really nice guy. It got me to wondering what would happen if I met a celebrity that I really hated. I was at a Rockets game a few months ago and Jim Gray was about 15 feet away from me, so I yelled out loudly "Jim Gray sucks!", and one of the Mavs assistants looked at me, smiled, and nodded his head in agreement. So I guess I would stay true to my gut feelings, especially if i met people i really hated, like Manu Ginobili or Tony Parker. I think if I met them I would punch Manu in the face, and steal Tony's girlfriend, Eva Longoria. How the hell did these people meet? And why are they dating? Oh, and Tony tells me that Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody are engaged (Seth and Summer, but if you didn't know who Rachel and Adam are, you probably won't know who the hell Seth and Summer are). I'm sorta happy, because I need for them to be together, but this guy is getting way too much good karma by not only making out with her onscreen, but offscreen as well. He is bound to get hit by a truck one of these days.

Well this doesn't happen often, but I seem to be at a loss for words. Write today's date down...it won't happen again.

This post is semi-explicit...you have been warned:

I went outside to get my sunglasses from my car (I have been attempting to pack for about 3 hours and so far have 7 pairs of boxers, 3 pairs of shorts, and a bathing suit on my bed) and there were a bunch of tampons opened up and on our front lawn. Thank God they are unused, but still, what the fuck? My mom said that she has been finding some out there the past week or so, but I was stunned to see them just sitting there on my front lawn. Few things to me are more disgusting than tampons, used or new. One of those things is animal/clown porn...seriously fucked up. When I see tampon commercials on TV, I get really uncomfortable and start squirming and sweating. I mean can TV execs not advertise for these things when I'm watching TV? I mean I know that girls need these things, but do we need to know about it? The "p" word disgusts me, and I am not talking about "pussy".

But seriously, who the fuck is leaving tampons on my front lawn? I know it isn't any of my friends because I don't think I'm friends with anybody stupid enough to waste money on tampons and just throw them away on somebodies lawn. Maybe it is a bunch of pre-pubescent girls who just started using them (I know that kind of is an oxymoron) and are trying to impress either my brother or I. I will tell you what, you damn 13 and 14 year old girls...tampons don't fucking impress me. I am going to booby-trap the lawn to catch those little fuckers.

In other news, you can now find my blog on google. I know that this isn't much of news, but I thought it was pretty cool. Maybe I will type in a bunch of random ass words so people looking for "ass licking girls" will find my blog.

I seriously gotta finish packing though...its just that tampons seriously piss me off.

Last day of work for almost 3 weeks!

I have a ton of stuff that I wanted to rant about today, hopefully I will remember it all. Today on the radio they had this guy on that owns a company called Hufu: Basically it is kind of like tofu, but designed to taste like human flesh. Yes that is right, there is now a product out there for you to satiate your cannibalistic desires. Best of all, it is vegan friendly! I don't know what pisses me off more, cannibals or vegans. Vegans bitch about drinking milk from a cow, yet don't give two thoughts about ripping fruit and vegetables off of trees and out of the ground, and cannibals just eat people. Has anybody ever met a cannibal? Did they try to eat you? I mean, I know that just because somebody is gay doesn't mean they are attracted to you (if you are they same sex as them), but do cannibals pick and choose who they eat? Do cannibals have different tastes?

Speaking of eating people (or rather just things), I got a free sample brownie at this cookie shop they have at the food court. I'm not quite sure what proper etiquette is when it comes to getting a free sample, but I also wander by the place, look surprised to see the free sample, ponder it, taste it, ponder it again, ask what it is, ponder again, purse your lips and slightly nod your head up and down three times, ponder once more, say thank you, and then walk away. I wonder if anybody else does this, because the sample-giver-outer people have got to see right through this. Every once in a while I will shake things up and actually get one of those Chinese dishes that they give out thousands of samples for...after all, how are they going to stay in business to give me more free samples?

As part of our morning show, which Tony and I named Jibba-Jabba the other day, we are going to be assigning theme songs to people. Mine, for instance, is "Bad, Bad Man" by John Cena. Tony's is "Baba O'Riley" by The Who. Milf's is a toss-up between "Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang and "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. Now our talk show isn't much yet, since it is really only banter between the two of us in the morning over AIM as we are at our respective jobs, but once we get a radio station, we will be money. Let me know if you have a theme song for yourself or anybody else.

I think I found a way to get out of my parking ticket. I went back to the scene of the crime (it was a pretty stupid crime if you ask me) to look at the place I parked. Sure enough, there was the sign that said "Handicapped priority parking 6PM-2AM", and I guess it was kind of clear since I was looking for it, but it is a pretty gay fine considering I parked there at 1:30 and was only breaking the law for 30 minutes. But then I looked at the ticket, and the officer had written the wrong block down on the ticket. I went to the block where he wrote the ticket for, and there wasn't a single handicapped parking spot anywhere on the block. So what I am going to do is videotape the whole street to show that there is no sign there (it is a pretty small stretch) and say, "this ticket is bullshit, I wasn't parked in a handicapped lot, there isn't even a sign anywhere." I feel like such a fricking genius...too bad for the other 4 cars in the spots behind me probably don't know this.

This might be my last post before I leave for Hawaii, so if it is, try not to be too sad, I will be back soon enough.

The City of Houston Municipal Courts can shove my right boot up their collective asses...

I got a ticket downtown on Friday night. I have been pulled over a number of times but have only gotten one ticket (that one really pissed me off...the officer lied about how fast I was going and what the actual speed limit was, and it was right before I went up to school so I couldn't contest it). At least then it is something you have control over. Friday night I got a parking ticket. I parked along the street in a designated spot right in front of a bunch of a few other cars. I look at the sign and it says "2 hour parking 6AM- 7PM". I take that to mean that I can park there for however long I want after 7PM, kind of like when you see a sign that says, "No parking between the hours of 8-10" you assume you can park there the rest of the time. WRONG! It actually means that it transforms into a handicapped parking spot at night. I come back and find a $205 ticket sitting on my windsheild. After trying to figure out for 5 minutes what the hell it means, I find the camoflauged "handicapped parking at nighttime only" sign. Now I don't mean to be disrespectful to the handicapped, but what people with a physical handicap are going clubbing at 1 in the morning? And do these people deserve more rights than handicapped people during the day who don't receive the same priority parking? I could understand getting a ticket if I knew that I broke the law, but I had no fucking clue that I did anything wrong and was dumbfounded to find a parking ticket on my car. I am going to fight this ticket, and waste the taxpayer's money as I do it. I am going to request a jury trial and impress the hell out of those jurors. Let me know if you want to be some kind of a witness for my trial...

Working in an office building and having to run errands all over town, I ride elevators a lot. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that most people have horrible elevator etiquette. First of all, if you are waiting to get on an elevator, you should let people on the elevator off first. Nothing is more annoying then trying to get off the elevator only to be run over by some fat dude who couldn't wait 3 seconds for you to get off first. Second, people don't hold open elevators. It is a huge pain in the ass when you miss getting on an elevator by a few seconds and then have to wait a few minutes for the next one. Yesterday I was trying to get on an elevator, and there was a guy in there, staring at me as the doors closed. I was able to get my arm in the elevator in enough time, but not before it smacked the hell out of my shoulder. Good thing for those bumper things, otherwise I would have had to become a lefty. Another thing that pisses me off is when somebody gets on the elevator and hits the same button that you just hit. Hitting a lit button won't make you get to the floor any faster. The only thing it will do is make me want to hit you. Did I not press it correctly? Are you trying to assert the fact that it is YOUR floor? Or do you spaz out when you see your button already lit and don't know what the hell to do with your hand? (*note to reader, you does not refer to the reader, but rather to the idiots that do this). Oh yeah, one other thing that bothers me, yet has only happened once, is when you are on the elevator with nasty ladies and they are talking about their sex life or anything that has to do with any part of their bodies being naked. There are other people in the elevator, namely me, who don't want to hear about your disgusting sex life, or lack of one. Do us all a favor and don't talk about that rash on your ass in public anymore.

So I heard on the radio that Fox is planning to rip off another show from another network, this time the victim being Dancing with the Stars. Fox's show will be called "Skating with Celebrities". First of all, this proves that people will watch any shit that is put on TV these days. Who are these people that watch Dancing with the Stars in the first place? Are they the same people that watch Nanny 9-1-1 and go see "Eight-Legged Freaks" in the theaters? Secondly, when are the other networks going to take Fox outside and beat the shit out of it. Although my two favorite shows happen to be on Fox, I can't stand some of the shit they put out, because network execs are being paid millions to basically rip off crap from other tv shows. It all started when Fox ripped off "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" with "Greed", and continued through the crap they have put out over the years, including "Temptation Island", "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire", "Joe Millionaire", "Nanny 9-1-1" (how the hell is there one, let alone 2 shows about a Nanny on TV?), and my favorite, "The Smallest Bachelor" which was basically "The Bachelor" meets Willy Wonka. All of Fox's reality shows seem intent on one thing, ruining as many lives as possible. Their one original show is American Idol, which I personally think sucks. I am still waiting for their new show, "Lost: The Real World" where they basically crash a plane on a desert island on purpose and don't allow the people to know they are on a reality show. Along the way, they should kill as many people as possible. Now that would be quality TV.

Today is not a Happy Tuesday

Actually, its not all too bad, I'm just really tired. I have been really good about getting to bed at a decent hour when I have work the next morning, but that went out the window last night when I went to bed at 2. It was not great waking up at 7 in the morning, realizing I had overslept yet not gotten enough sleep, and not getting to eat breakfast.

Delivery services have become my mortal enemy within the past few days. First, UPS gave me a lesson showing what happens when you put incompetent people into customer service. Then, yesterday, Fed-Ex ruined what could have been the coolest thing I could do at work this summer. There was a client that wanted something delivered to a courthouse in New Orleans yesterday. I was going to get to fly on a plane to New Orleans, deliver whatever I had to deliver to the courthouse, and then I could have either caught a flight back to Houston or stayed in New Orleans. Yes you read right, paid to stay in New Orleans. I would have definitely stayed because JT is there for the summer and has a house, so I would have crashed there. Plus I would have been in New-Fucking-Orleans. But Fed-Ex decided to invent the overnight delivery, so at the last minute the client decided it could wait a day and get there tomorrow. I better not see any DHL guys this week, I might have to give them a preemptive beat-down.